Some day when we see each other in the crowd of hasle....just wanted u to recognise me and pass on the simple simle while crossing each other. That what atleast I can dream too. In these years I had learnt many things one is to control the outcomes of emotional breakdown but in the recent few months I had some serious emotional outbrust resulting in end with couple of street fights with few group members. But nothing it was just a rampage of life . I had always dream about the girl with whome I share all ,talk out when ever I needed most but suddenly I realised that I only thought about what everybody else wants and trying to impress everybody else except myself, I had not any emotional attachments with my dreams, they are just let be to happen as it prceeds. I more care about expressing my thoughts in writing rather to speak out. Matter with me is confusing ...even I don't figure it out. That's why my dream girl absence hurts me a lot. She is always cuteness carrying and keeps my all secrets with her atlest she had faith in me after seeing few of close ones with their mates and they just don't care about girls emotions ..yes I can only tell them rights but to act is there choice of seats. My dream girl is very free broad minded but never it happened to me give her a name. Any shadow just like her or any part of her personality match attract me a lot and few times I had committed the negligence. Dishonour towards couple of girls and both in mba itself. I really hate me and if I not like myself don't think any other will do..just in this life I can talk to any body but with any girl if I had any extra talk with few emotions,it really make me out of my comfort zone.it just a fear not to hurt girls emotions or mine guilt of past....either it may be my cowardness of being not to face rejection any more. I might not able to test my faith any more... my faith was always a key players it showed all possibility of achieving but when u were just to achieve ahha a u turn from faiths side...rest later
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Zero visibility
Sometimes when I travel alone I just wonder there may be any part of myself missing and some pinch of sadness prevail over the thoughts,burden in mind some confusion in decision yet the seeking in darkness for light continues. I was travelling in night in visibility zero in bus while the driver was driving there on the road with his skills and insticts making me dipped in another thought process I was about to learn new postives again road as like life the variable uncertain outcomes just coming from zero visibility and the person crossing the roads with confidence zeal enthusiasm and positive attitude yet conscious about his decision after all many lives depend upon him.just he was alone just like me and any body else in life ..voyage of life... I need some of friends deeply but yet god knows what to come from the curtains of time fog.hoping just any day I may be smart enough to drive my own life with more conscious not smooth but yes more sensible then now.hoping one day , I may be with u not in dreams but in reality , showing lil maturity towards making decision in our dear one's more close and never let u go... life is just an reality while travelling and covering in unkown road paths in thrilled chilled nights in zero visibility. ..urs decision is pending as I also assume u r just like me but just we needs hint.. may someday we can share our thoughts directly to each other .. god knows why I write too much but yes the way of expressing I know is only this. While looking outside the closed window the mirror image was mine patner just like reality of true actual companion nothing to see outside and chilled cold waves icing the thoughts. Loneliness can't be bothered but stuck in mind can damage the neural networks of decision making process. Happiness can't be always there it may be just a treasure hunt of life enjoying in what u do... deserving something can be reality but having it is reality mixed with hard labour and ........... but again it is also a reality. . Just we have to learn to accept. .... rest later
Friday, January 16, 2015
The insomiac dream
Wo khwabo mein hi aati hai aur khwabo se hi chali jati hai .. log thak ke sote hai ki dard km ho jay pr shayad hamari to aissi bhi kismat nahi ..sone se drr lagta hai ki kahin tum phir samne hogi khayalo mein hi sahi pr bate sirf humse hi karti hogi phir wo khawab tut jayga akela tanha humko chod jayga wo bojhil subah hi ho sakti hai aur jindagi ki har subah abb aissi hi betegi y tqdeer bnn gai hai... bahut si bate karti ho muskurahat ka chand ho pr kya kare jb sath thi tb kadr na ki jb dour hui to wo daour suru huwa ki aaj tk safar chal hi raha hai jindagi mein kami kuch bhi nahi pr tum sath nahi bss sahi ek baat hai jo ek dard bana hai socha na tha ki tumse door hone k baad teri itni yaad aaya karegi kyu huwa kaisse huwa kya mallum na jane kb jindagi ke raste itne badal gay kuch apne apno se chut gay.....yaad bhi na aay y kaissi wajah hai.. dosti k anmol tofha tumhara khin kho na jay... izhare mohabbat ki dasttan dil mein dabi reh gai..yaad karne ki takleef hume hoti hai tumko shayad iska ehsas bhi nahi koi nahi....aap to bss aaap hi ho mere kissi haseen khwab ki tarah jo hai to mera pr haqeekat kissi ki nahi... meri jindagi ki ajeeb dastaan hai yaad aao na aissa kun sa wqt hai aur jb yaad aati ho dard dard hi reh jata hai.... tumko bhoolne ko kya kich nahi kiya yahan kuch logo ko accha kaha pr the to sil mein tum hi shayad ki unlogo ko hum passand na aay accha hi hai hum hai bhi kya ... khud ko badalna nahi ata aur wqt aabhi tk hamara aya nahi... kossis ki badastoor jaari khahaniya hai.... kyu mein jb bhi likhta hun tum hi ussme hoti ho kyu.kyu?
Chapter 2 insomiac dream
Some day might I will be talking to you in personal and sharing what I always feel about you in my dreams.that day really matters me a lot not because I would be sharing something with you but any thing that matters is ur reactions ur smile or anything u feel .... I know this is impossible but atleast I can dream this too ...no body ever reached the moon but yet is the dream of many... someday you may just say to me u really want me in ur life as anything else but we all love ourselves ... may in this year I would be "I "when my dreams came true in life next I may be satisfied with the thought u think about me atleast once in a while....just b there with me ..u r my expression of life... without u neither my writing or I am complete but u can make me a step ahead with ur valuable support and company plz be the part of my life voyage and allow me to share our experience and excitement together of each others life... u were always adorable lovable to me ... remain in my life please ...the significant portion of my life voyage will be the part I had spend with u ..just let me give some hope of getting what we least deserve my lord.... just ........justiy************************ There are times when we often share our past to those on them we had faith like ourselves and there are situation in life when we need guidance and moral support .... this is when we had to choose our friends and person wisely. I had made mistakes in choosing the good mates yet I don't have any regret on my decision atleast they were my decision to b part of life to share grey shades of personality and emotions I was betrayed many times but just I had no other options I compromised my life secrets to those who made fun of them.... just because I feel alone this can't be justify what I had done in past yet sharing give me few moments in life to b light....