Month of silence

After being alone and silently observing the the past few days and month in which I had expressed that few persons were able to help me out to ionise feelings from my past but when I again memorize about those days I understood that I was just another name of person in the playing list for them. Nothing changed for me yet but my own personal joys were sacrificed.  I always given importance to all friends above my own and in return expected nothing and no other friend failed ,they used to play with my feelings. Slowly more than a month is passing without speaking to them. It never hurt the loneliness then been betrayed by someone. The social element in my soul has vanished . May be in any future time instant those who cares about me would apper but at then I might not be the same as a month ago. Changed against the backdrop of my favourite place and flavour of life just seeking a flow beyond my voyage of sail. Friends are most interested persons of one's life but last couple of year I failed to be friendly with any right person. Between chase and cage i wasted all my creative writing skills in a cage chasing nothing importance to anyone

Dumbed dumped

All things came to an end leaving behind the wheel of running second  either good or bad but it's always hard to evaluate. You can't blame other of your own incapacity of understanding and taking  inefficient decision. While trying to make you part of my own life I was so stupid and in sane that I just overlooked all facts and blindly trusted upon you.... for making you feel special I credited for every single good and just didn't bother about your mistakes .... I just tried to correct and myself said sorry for every mishaps caused by either of us....but what was you thinking I just don't understood. ? You played a super game of emotions with me and avenging yourself by destroying everything just because you hated a girl which was with my close buddy.... you first created a cater and then the most strong group of seven ...was never been together again... what a game plan ... hatts off.... why trying to minimise the difference, all starting thread originated from you only....how can I be so selfish that I didn't sorted out these things just happening before me...you exploited our minute misunderstanding to wide range.... you exaggerated every worst possible things in a critical way.... may you be so proud in a such good plan neither of all seven stand still ..... girl ... thanks for making me just to hate myself. ... you fooled me.... I trusted you so much ... while you at a time handling two boys. ... how could you...... you made me to hate myself only..... truth is only unconditional caring is love that only family cares about. .. rest in peace with your cruel intention. .. good luck

Am I still the same

Today just having nothing in mind but still the big confusion and the feeling I am in thinking Love and friendship is all similar sensitive skin but the only difference is your best friend can't be your soul mate, but true soul mate is the best buddy of yours.Now and latter we just need some part of dipping craziness to be on same same scale of level on which it was ever. So the quest arise to seek someone really around us who can make our expectations fulfilled and once we achieve that we feel on paradise. After being alone and special one missing around me I just came reading an article on queries about love and relationship ... writtter has his opinion so do I... but the main moto behind that was to see the meaningful love explanation. .. but love is beyond any explanation. .. it's always been a experience of every single individual came across in his life in different times and situation which creates memories and hence his explanation about love...I was wondering whether or not what I had lived came under this past was I was fake to me or she was making fun out of me.. but reality is we both never match each others expectations. . Now being a month passed am I really any worthy in my presence or something. ?

19 days

Agar usse baat karni hoti to shayad kar leti call ya email... shayad wo sab jo kabhi socha , kitni baate sab baimani tha wo uske mnn ki confusion hi thi ... isliy ussne itni assani se jane diya .kush rehna sabka adhikar hai .. aur agar meine khayalo mein pyaar kiya to usko haqekat na bana pana y meri aur ek nakamyabi hi hai... issme abb usko kosna ya galt kehna sahi nahi..uske sath hone pe shayad meine bahut se logo ki andekhi ki ..aab khattam ho gaya km se km baato ki ek wajah hoti thi vo abb nahi hai..na jane kitne ,abb mere khilaf hai... pata nahi... kitna naraj hai pata nahi... society se door hota ja raha .. bahut kuch chuut gaya hai..abb na purane din jeene ka mnn karta hai ... khud ko sambhalna wo bhi tab jb kai log y sochte hai aap aapne sath sabka khayal rakhenge... kl aur door ho jaoge. .. isha sach sirf tnhai mein aap hi yaad aate ho .... shayad

Beetata wqt

Na jane hum tumse door kyu hote ja rahe...
Faasle km karne ki kosis mein yu bichatdte ja rahe....
Ruth jaate ho tum kuch yu ki..
Tumhe manane mein wqt jugarte ja rahe....
Hum thak haar k bhi tumse darte ja rahe...
Aur na jane kyu tumko lagta hai hum badalte jab rahe..

12 july

Aaj baat karne ka bahut mnn tha .. phir phone mein aapka no bhi dial kiya pr jaisse hi connect karne ki baari aai y yaad agaya ki wo wajah bhi hai jiski wajah se khamoshi hai abb.... phir call karne ki jimmedari nahi li humne.... baato ka kya hai hongi ki nahi y depend karta tha bharosha and relationship pe aapne... wo baimani khayal jo mere dil aur jehan mein bss gaya tha ... shayad aapki khushi km kar deta phir se... aapko logta hai ki mere sorry bol dene se sab thik kar leta hun mein kitni baar aapki galti ki wajah hone k bawjood sorry humne bola kyunki nahi khona tha aapko pr abb shayad in baato k koi wajood bhi baimani hi hoga.... aap khush ho yahi bahut hai... mera kya isha and aapme koi gyada frk nahi... ugte suraj ko salam sab karte hai aur mein dhal chuka suraj hun ...... roj raat ko maussam.k sath ro leta hun khud ko kosta hun ki akhir y kyu hota hai har baar mere sath sab kuch itna accha chal raha tha... phir koi na koi ajata hai aur phir hamare beech ki duriya badh jaati hai .... mein janta hun aapk layak nahi  maga aissa bhi nahi ki khel nahi sakte the...thoda to mere se wafadar hote ...thoda to humko pyaar karte..... alvida

Aaj Meri hum se mullakat ho gai...
Jb tanhai k sath meri baat ho gai...
Raat ko jb sb soy the
Hum to sirf tere khayalo mein khoy the...
Thoda roy the ..thoda khoy the

bss us thanhai ki raat...

humko chod sab gehri need soy the...

tab kahin jakar

Aaj Meri hum se mullakat ho gai...

Abb bhi tera naam leta hun....
Anjaane mein hi sahi....
Kahin badnaam

When it rang

By every message I receive ... when my cell phone rings there is always a hope maybe u r there remembering me.. but its a false feel I when in reality ..when seeing the phone my inspiration my expectations all went down eveytime... you only made me in this situation nothing to blame you but the fact lies in the matter do I really matter worthy in your life ..do you ever ,do a favour to me by just giving me an opportunity to realize how far you need me...no offence of yours ... but you unknowingly made me realize that I was very below the boys in ur life... may be just another fantasy story of your life an adventurous experience ...slowly and slowly some part of my life is dying ... becoming vestibule to me.. my joy enthusiasm all are squeezed out.... my hope of living .... my inner soul all are wounded now... heal will never be there... may you made me devil just because I wanted you to have best reason to not talk me any more. .. and from now my voyage of being disappear will continue. .. from now you will never came to know about me... neither from anybody,,,Whole life now becoming the mess of missed shot opportunities and somehow the ignored ideas are creating discomfort of feel and actions my social nature has just dropped to the level there might i cann't with stand in the society 

Meri baat

Humko hamari jagah yaad dilane k liy shukriya. Mein hi waissa nahi jo ki aapki beskimiti dosti k kabil hi nahi bn paya..jb bhi aapko baat karni hoti hai aapk pass koi na koi hota hi hai..aap ne sahi kiya ..yaar aap ne y jata diya ki meri aukkat hi kya hai aapk samne.. jo jagah banane mein mere ko itna wqt laga ki aap humse koi baat share karti wo jagah rahul ne badi assani se bana li.... aur fb pr hamare liy wqt nahi hota aur satish so cool yaad raha usse rply karne k liy.... humse baat karte wqt doodh wala ghar wale ghar k kaam... jhadu pocha ...khana banana sab kaam hote hai..pr kissi aur se baat karne k liy aapk pass pura time... arre yaar wah ... kassam se jindagi mein aapne jo yaad dila diya mere ko ussk liy tahe dil se thank you.. shayad jindagi lag jaygi iss baat ko sahej kar lakhna padega ki mein kya deserve karta hun kya nahi.... karta to kuch bhi deserve nahi hun pr shayad ek wajah aapne de di ki khali hath rehne k liy koi afsoos bhi nahi hoga.thanks a lot

Two weeks

Just we completed our two weeks of slient cold war in which just spoked only on sunday that too has passed 8 from now... thanks for making me in the situation where I just wanted to talk with you but just can't help myself in the big confused state of mind.. the illusions of my mind the superficial unreal one where you were always with me sharing and saving my own thoughts. .I needed you to just make me stable in thoughts but all we want neither we got in our life.. its very hard decision to stay away from you but no other options seems to make you happy and joyful ...all ever thing I wanted is your smile ... smile that makes me proud and

Rudra's rage

Kuch der mein 48 hrs ho jayenge... bss iss khamoshi se darta tha badhti ja rahi hai.aapko to shayad aab hamare mein galtiya hi nazar aati hongi... pr phle y bataiy khana khaya ? Hope thakkan kam.ho gai hogi aapki...kl raat travel kar k allahabad agaya pr pata nahi kyu mnn thoda uddas sa tha..shayad aap nahi ho na koi nahi iski bhi addat daal lenge...soch raha tha ki aap ko shayad koi aur to nahi mil gaya... isliy nahi ki yakeen nahi hai aap pe par isliy ki hqdar hai aap kissi behtareen k.... waisse ek baat puchu jb se mein fb pe aya aapki baate fb pe post comments km kar diy aapne..... aur haan yaar ek baat aur notice ki meine .... fb pe subah 8-10 ya 11 online rehti hai aap regular. .. itni punctuality wah... maan gay ... sach kehte hai sab aapko mere gyada jaante hai wo... anil k lafzo mein aap usse mere se gyada maanti hai .. wo kuch bhi kare mere se phle usse maaf karogi aap..
Rahul kehta hai ki sirf wahi aissa ladka hai yahan jiske samne aap waisse hi ho jaisse rehna chahti ho... usse ladai y Aith kar bolne de darti ho.... y sahi bole to kaiyde se rehti ho ... sahi bhi shayad mein aapko itni free space itna confidence nahi de paya bahut sata wqt aur maukke milne k bawjood. ... kitni baar dekha ki kafi der online the aap pr majal jo rply kar dete ek... koi aissi baat jo taal di ho aapki aab tk ... jo bhi kha aapne pura kiya na to kya chahte ho humse hum ya kare? Mein aapko passand karta hun hadd se gyada ... aapko lagta hai ki sirf friend bn k react ya act karna kitna muskil hota hoga mere liy... aapne yahi bola tha na ghar mein sabko abhishek maurya k baare mein bataya hai... id bhi check karwa li uski... y bol k ki wo ladka fb k through mila hai to shayad sabko glt lag raha... yaar kitna seh sakta hun... abb kissi ne mere ko favour kar k marks de diy to kya karu... unse bolne to nahi gaya tha mere marks badha do... jb bhi baat hui pure gp ki baat ki aur aapki. .abb agar gaur kare aap to financial accounting mein meri copies ki likne ki style ko richa ma'am ne pure class k samne appreciate kiya tha.... aur jhan tk sessional ki baat hai to ek diya tha jisme sabme 25 k upper marks the wo bhi pehla wala... attendence isliy km nahi thi ki sabko bata k jata tha ki ghar ja raha kaam hai...  tiwariji application nahi le rahe.... in sab cheezo k beet jaane k baad mile april mein aap aur phir may ... kya lagta hai meri phle se kuch tyyari nahi thi.... abb kya karu ki aab sirf 2 hrs  mein utna padh leta hun jitne se 60'70 bn jaay ... aur iss sem ko chod dijiy to har sem mein 60'70 k beech hi marks aay hai mere to agar baimani ki gai to sirf 60 marks ki mere sath.... kabhi kissi ne y nahi kaha ki kyu tumhare internal 30'35 k beech rehte hai... phir bhi 71 percentage banay tha na 3 sem mein.. phir acchank mere ko marks beekh mein milne ki baat kahan se agai iss sem..... mere se itni problem hai to marks ki scrutiny karwaiy.... agar phir bhi 75 k niche marks bane to kahiyga.... kyunki 15 marks k variation mein facilities pr action hota hai.... uptu se 8 sem 2 sem padhaya jissme ek sem copy check karne ka bhi maukka  milla phir 4 sem yahan to andaaz ho hi jata hai ma'am ki kitna kaisse likhna hai to marks gyada milte hai.... yajan kabhi comparison nahi katna tha aapko...waisse bhi aap kya ho bata hi chukka hun

25 june 6 eve

It's been 10 days and an hour we haven't spoken to each other.....just a talk of 24minutes and 54 sec in which you were just out in rage about 20 minutes or so...we just talk even when you were here in allahabad more than this but now the silence is killing me... more than ever just do something to stop do anything to console me re gather me plz I can't bear this silence anymore plz...  plz keh do ki y bechaini sirf meri nahi tumhari bhi hai..... keh do jo  huwa ussme hum dono ki nadani hi hai.... keh do ki tum mujhe khona nahi chahte.... keh do ki sirf mere bare mein hi sochte ho tum....  wapas a jaao yaar plz bhaut dard bojhil se ho gai hai jindagi .... koi maza koi sukkun nahi hai..... har wqt uljhan hi rehti hai dil dimag mein.. kuch nahi kar pa raha kahin mnn nahi lagta abb tum sirf yaad rehte ho... bss ek baar y khamoshi tod do yaar ...mere liy..... mere liy bahut important ho tum jante ho na... nahi reh pa raha ....kuch to aissa karo ki tumhare bare mein jaan paau plz wapas ajao yaar mere liy plz

And she never called

And today morning while an attempt was made to end the cold war between us and was a half hearted a effortlessly talk was carried out about an half hour which ultimately results in the situation more tense more hactic .. this time the decision I hade made and now I will have to follow it ..why you think I was considered favourite in the eyes of ravi Sharma and why you can't see amreen nisha the mohd..lady favoured me even more then the muslim boy shah ahed.... since this sem you not nailed that doesn't mean that you are bad or so but just you haven't enjoyed the cream of marks but even though you made your mba with an honours a great achievement and only few here can say and write in our batch... actually I think you are comparing the maeks with mine.... and see if I had to do so I had done in even previous semesters which I hadn't done and even in my life what you think I had no connections ... may be i was an uppcl employee if asked to my father who In front of me has favoured two relatives to join and what about my brother director in cii ..even though I had persuaded my courses on my own... and you are panic on me... making my life hell...lets b clear I too had emotions even I get hurt .... you were always so sweet towards me that you always given me new chance of carrying out frendship but this mean I was not the guy of your valuable frendship

16 shaam

Khana khaya? Kya khaya? Pair kaissa hai..uncle untyji kaisse hai? Ashwini ne join kiya training. .. kb pahunche aap log aaj.?ha ha sorry kahin disturb to nahi kiya aapko ? To kaissa beeta aaj ka din.. bahut yaad aarahe aap yaar..hamari baat huy 24 hrs hone ja rahe. Aap ko msg karna passand hi nahi humko call karne ki manahi... sab aap ki favour ki hone chahiy na baate.. plz yaar kuch to bolo bahut muskil se beeta hai y pura din pr abhi to surruwat hai kaisse hoga aage mere ko bahut badi saza de gay yaar aap... upper se mood aur kharab kar liya hai aapne mere se.... kya karu boliy .. ek aap the jinse kuch baate aissi bhi share karne laga tha jo ki ghar pr nahi share kar sakta tha ... aapne sab sunna samjha aur ab phir akele chod k chale gay... yaar bss y bataiy jb online hote hai aap to batate kyu nahi... accha haan bore kar deta hun na aapko...chaliy abb shayad is boring aadmi se aapko chutkara milla... jaissa ki aap kehti hai... humse kya matlab. .. khana banaya ki bahar khaya.... maussam kaissa hai.... yaad tobaya nahi honga mein...aunga bhi kaisse koi na ..addat daal lunga chupa rehne ki bss isha jaissi mat bn jaiyga ... kuch bhi kariyga to y soch k ki mein bhi hun baaki aap to mere se gayada samjhdar hai.... cheeze handle bhi acche se karti hai. . Bss dar is baat ka hai ki aapk baad mein shayad khud ko sambhal nahi paunga...yahi ek drr hai baki jo ho meri kismat ne mujhe kabhi kuch nahi diya. .. usse ladkar leba pada hai..pr ussne wo cheez aisse di ki kabhi khushi nahi hui... aap wapas kb aoge yaar plz kuch to bolo kuch bhi pr plz bolo yaar.. badal na jana

16/June/2015

Jaanti hai aap mere ko bura kitna lag raha tha kl... pr mein kar bhi kya sakta tha aur...aapki sari baat sahi thi ki favour kiya gaya mere ko...meine cts nahi diy .attendances km thi .assignment nahi diy.... ppr kharab kiy.... wo sab kiya jo nahi karna tha.... roj daru bhi peeta tha..padhai ... handwriting sab km hai meri aapse.kissi faculty ka phone uski baate sunnana.. pr ek baar ye soch kar dekhiy ki aap khan ho mere samne... ek aissi ladki jisne akele puri raat thake hone k bawjood ticket liya.... wapas ghar ja k kaam niptay aur bhai ki khushi k liy banaras tk k intezaam bhi kiya... shayad mein y nahi kar pata... sari situation aapne hamesha mere se gyada acchi se handle kiya hai... aap mere se bahut acche knowledgeable manager ho yaar... y baat kyu nahi maante...aur  takleef to yaar mere ko bhi hai pr y bataiy ki iss sem aapk 75 bane hai na and overall bhi itne hi bane hai
.. y bahut aache marks hote hai yaar. . Kyu mere jaisse jahil se compare kar rahi aap.. hum jaisse ko to chaliy baishakhi ki help mil gai and aage kya ....y log to jindagi ki race nahi jitayenge humko... bss y ek bura phase tha life ka jo nikal gaya pr sach yaar iska y matlab hargis nahi ki aap aapna mood and efficiency kharab kariy... jab aapse sari baat discuss karta hun yaani akele nahi sambhaal pata na wo sab aapki help chaiy rehti hai mujhe hamesha.. aur manager kaam karte huy acche lagte hai marks to sirf ek bahana hote hai .... mujhe khushi sirf aapki khushi se milti hai aur agar aapko lagta hai ki mere na cts.. collg jane se assignments na dene se aur kharab writing k bawjood marks diy gay jabki ek ppr mein attempt hi 65-70 ka tha.kissi bande ka phone receive karna..usse baate karna... to yaakeen maniy mere sath bhi accha nahi hoga.. km se km upper wala to dekh raha hai na ...mere ko aapka dil dukhane ki wajah banane ki saja to mil hi jaygi wqt aane pr...aur bss ek baar y soch lijiyga ki agar kissi ka sath mere liy imp.hai to aap... baaki aapka decision hai

Tumhare bina mein

UJane kyu abb kuch bhi galtiya nahi karta shayad abb aap nahi unhe sudharne k liy daatne k liy samjhane k liy.... abb maza bhi nahi ata koi nai sharrart karne mein.... dekha kitna kuch badal k chale gay itne km dino mein mere jindagi ki khushyia.... bss sirf itna keh dete ki wapas aaoge na.... intezar karungi tumhara. Bss sirf itne se hum puri jindagi nikal dete...aaj bhi ussi mod pe sir rakh k rota hun Jhan kabhi hum sath juzre the... bss un asso ko log dekh nahi paate ... bhegte maussam mein kahin dil ki dhadkkan rukne lagti hai dekh lo ki kahin kissi ajnabee k yahan hum ajnabee se nazar na aay..... sach bola tha ki mein sab diggad lunga huwa bhi wahi abb jo khamoshi hai wo sirf tumhari nahi mere mare huy us vyatitvya ki hai jo kabhi tumhare sath raha tha...jiski lakh galtiyo ko maff kar tumne baato ka silsilla rukne nahi diya tha...mein alag andaze bayan kar k jeeta hun ... pr thak haar kar jaam peeta hun...takdeer se laddkar abb har si hone lagi hai... dekho mein wqt se phlevy ankhe bojhil hone lagi hai .. kaisse ho yaar iss baar jb se door gay badal gay tum abb kyu karte ho itni khamoshi baate... shayad meri maut hi iss khamoshi ko tod paygi....

Drunked hum

Bhaut kuch kehna hai aapse... kaisse kb y pata kar pana thoda muskil hota ja raha .... ek hum hai jo galtiya hi karte jaate hai ek aap hai jo har baar pichla bhula k naai surruwat karti hai... yaar kuch gyada ho gaya na aabki baar ....mein bahut kamina nikla yaar khud se aissi umeed nahi thi ..... har baar yahi lagta tha ki abki logo ko baate karne ka mukka nahi dunga ... aur har baar unko mukka meine hi diya.... is baar to baat aapk ghar ki ho gai yaar...... bahut bura lag raha ....hamesha lagta tha ki jindagi se jo chahiy usk kabil bn k usse le lunga... wqt lagega pr milta..... itni samjhdari aap jaissi kyu nahi hum mein ... sikh raha hun .... galtiya hai ki khattam nahi hoti aur har baar aapko khush karne k chakkar mein aur drd takleef diy ja raha .... ab bss lagta hai ki kahin door ho jaau....mba pura phir aapko koi pareshani nahi humse.... aapse wada karte hai aaj ... aapk baare mein ab koi jankari nahi rakhenge.... kyu ki agar abb apko kuch bhi batana hoga to aap jarur bataiyngi.... abb bhi yahi karta tha.... jb se baat surru hui laga aapse sb clear puch leta tha... yaar thanks bolna tha aapko aapne bahut help ki .... shayad agar uss din aapse baat nahi kar raha hota to pata nahi kaisse react kiy hote..... issi baat se shayad aapki acchai se pr shayad mein pagalpana gyada kar gaya aur aapk ghar jaane k baad aapko pareshan kar diya mallum tha ki aap wahan relax karne gai hai pr humne kya kiya aapko aur pareshan kar diya..yaar kabhi bss itna sochiyga ki kabhi kabhi kuch log aisse hote hai jinka hone se sirf takleef hoti hai.... bss abb aap jo kahengi sab sahi sab thik ... never let you down again....bss abb aap jo kahiy. ..

Yu kyu huwa

Jb aapki khushi k liy hi m itna sab karte hai... aur aap yu chehra uttar kar rehti hai phir yu hi kissi aur se has k baat karti hai hum kare to kya kare abb..... mein apna dil sambhal sakta hun mood nahi mein aapko sambhal sakta hun khud ko nahi...... iss dosti se accha to baat cheet na hone ka ehsaas bhala tha ..... abb mein us kasti mein hun jahan y to mallum hai ki mera thikana nahi pr uttar k jaau kahan.... isha y aapne humko khan la diya... aapki parchai sath nahi chodti.... hamesha aap yaad rehti hai.... aapki hi parchai ne dil dimag ki dahi kar di hai.... vandana. ....y meri life ka akhiri naam hai.... mein nahi samjhta mein abb aur social life jr sakta hun.... akela rehna hi hoga.... rudra naam milla tha magar kya pata tha ki unki jindagi ka sbse bada sach mera bhi hoga... ekanki.... mohabbat to hoti magar anjaam assan na hota.... sath jeete magar hamesha sath reh na paate.... unki love story ka always sad end..... rudra naam ka y sab hota hai to yahi sahi bss abb unjaissa hi bn jaunga mein nahi karunga yaad fariyad teri... khushi to humse aitraz hota rahe hum apne gm se gyada sahaj hai...kl aanso rook nahi paya...kl hdd ka drd hogaya samjh nahi araha ... isha plz ek baar baat kar lena humse ... aap jaissa dost aaj tk nahi milla...km se km rone to na deti aap..... bahut drr lag raha abb khud se... kitni khamoshi si ho gai hai mere dil mein... sb kuch baimani lag raha...isha plz kabhi to kuch pal k liy khayalo se bahar a jao mere .. bahut takleef ho rahi abb to ... drd bojh bn gaya tha....mein itna kabil nahi ki y bojh sambhal saku... itna kayar bhi nahi kuch galat karu... aap jaissi hai waisse hi rahiy... bss abb aur khud ko nahi badal sakta.. drd bhi y allag sa hai .. hath kaap rahe hai.... sir ka dard bardast nahi ho raha.... do pain killers k baad y haal hai....shayad pair bhi dard kar rahe. .. sajh nahi araha y dard kaha kaha hai.... dil .. dimag jism... inka talmel aaj nahi ho raha y alag hote ja rahe ek dusre se hum aap jaisse..... bss abb aur nahi ... upper wale kabhi to mukurati jindagi k kuch pal de do... kahil dil se hasna na bhol jau..raat jaagte huy nikal jaati hai... din mein kuch na kuch... abb sirf nashe mein hi madhoshi need hoti hai warna in aankho ne palk jhapkana bnd kar diya hai...phli baar aissa khuch huwa mere sath akele nahi reh sakta abb.. pr kismat ki lau abb jaan hi legi.... jala diya hai ussne mera wajood meri khwaish mera pyaar... kini door ho gai ho abb dekho.... hum shayad abb ajnabee se kb nahi jahan y mallum hota tha kun kis situation mein kya karega aaj to sawal hai ek dusre k liy.... rona araha.... ro nahi paraha... roy bhi jamana ho gaya laut aao abb plz..

Shayad

Puri raat jagta hun.... tumhare bare mein sochta aur likhta hun .... aaj bhi tumhare bare mein hi likunga hamesha ki tarah...dekha aaj na jane kitne din ho gay na humne baat ki na hum mille jindagi chalti rahi aur hum door hote gay.... tum nahi badle na hum .... tum ne kabhi hume chaha hi nahi aur humne tumhe kabhi bhoola hi nahi.....wqt ne dekho kitna kuch sikha diya ..... abbb tumhare bina rota nahi hun ....  phir bhi mjhko hasse to jamna ho gaya hai.... yaad na aao waissa bhi nahi hai.... phle to shayad y umeed thi ki jb hum waisse ho jayenge jaisse aapko passand hote.... shayad y hote hote lamha kai juzar gaya hoga warna itna berukha mera yaar kahan ki humko yaad bhi na kare iss jahan mein ... umeed yahi hai ki shayad wo hamare dil k haal ko abb sambhal nahi payenge ..shayad y baat humko tum tk aane nahi deti ..... kabhi hamari wajah se tum haar jaao y soch bhi nahi sakta.... shayad isliy kabhi tere pass na abb aapay.... dekho abb mein kissi se kuch kehta bhi nahi hun warna aaj hosh mein shayad mein nahi hota.... bnd darwajo k darmaya kahin kho na jaao..... shayad isliy abb kahin jata nahi hun .....hamesha ki tarah jb bhi tera naam leta hun na jane kyu apni galtiya ka ehsaas jeeta hun.... accha wqt tha ki jb tum umar se jaldi bade ho gay warna hamara bachpanna tum kaisse nakarte..... kosis karta hun abb ki wo bn jaau jo tum chahte the per abb shayad tumhare laut aane ki koi wajah nahi hogi warna itna khudgarz mera pyaar nahi ho sakta ki tanha humko yu rehne deta..... shayad mein abb kabhi phir tumhe baadnaam na kar du.... dekho abb humne apni jaban bnd kar li hai...... shayad shyad khwabo k bahar aak mera haal puch lo tum..... bss is khayal se shayad need abb nahi aati...... tum parchai ho paani mein banti si..... shayad isliy abb paani se pyaas nahi bhujhata.......

Tension .......abhi abhi

In my life i have been in many situation from whome I always learnt few things.... one thing I always remember is my mistakes .... mistakes that never made me the most or near the person I wanted to see myself to be ... a person in making never happened gor me but yet I was me in many places and time.... the most painful and regreted fault of my life was to be admitted in mba and secondly to say or a want of other half patner of which a genuinely deceiving and most unkind act was mine to embarras a most respected part of my life one was to have a feeling towards them secondly to express them third to share with buddys fourth not able to justify what I was feeling. .. whole mess of unfortunate events shocked me and yes I was shear part my own inner soul in pieces ..it's the time to end the journey of mba and the two valuable years in vein without any personalisation of being something but instead a person responsible for delivering the highest unfortunate and unforgiving acts ... here I earned nothing but black spot on being mohit kumar pandey .... rudra....

Dreaming

Some day when we see each other in the crowd of hasle....just wanted u to recognise me and pass on the simple simle while crossing each other. That what atleast I can dream too. In these years I had learnt many things one is to control the outcomes of emotional breakdown but in the recent few months I had some serious emotional outbrust resulting in end with couple of street fights with few group members. But nothing it was just a rampage of life . I had always dream about the girl with whome I share all ,talk out when ever I needed most but suddenly I realised that I only thought about what everybody else wants and trying to impress everybody else except myself, I had not any emotional attachments with my dreams, they are just let be to happen as it prceeds. I more care about expressing my thoughts in writing rather to speak out. Matter with me is confusing ...even I don't figure it out. That's why my dream girl absence hurts me a lot. She is always cuteness carrying and keeps my all secrets with her atlest she had faith in me after seeing few of close ones with their mates and they just don't care about girls emotions ..yes I can only tell them rights but to act is there choice of seats. My dream girl is very free broad minded but never it happened to me give her a name. Any shadow just like her or any part of her personality match attract me a lot and few times I had committed the negligence. Dishonour towards couple of girls and both in mba itself. I really hate me and if I not like myself don't think any other will do..just in this life I can talk to any body but with any girl if I had any extra talk with few emotions,it really make me out of my comfort zone.it just a fear not to hurt girls emotions or mine guilt of past....either it may be my cowardness of being  not to face rejection any more. I might not able to test my faith any more... my faith was always a key players it showed all possibility of achieving but when u were just to achieve ahha a u turn from faiths side...rest later

Zero visibility

Sometimes when I travel alone I just wonder there may be any part of myself missing and some pinch of sadness prevail over the thoughts,burden in mind some confusion in decision yet the seeking in darkness for light continues. I was travelling in night in visibility zero in bus while the driver was driving there on the road with his skills and insticts making me dipped in another thought process I was about to learn new postives again road as like life the variable uncertain outcomes just coming from zero visibility and the person crossing the roads with confidence zeal enthusiasm and positive attitude yet conscious about his decision after all many lives depend upon him.just he was alone just like me and any body else in life ..voyage of life... I need some of friends deeply but yet god knows what to come from the curtains of time fog.hoping just any day I may be smart enough to drive my own life with more conscious not smooth but yes more sensible then now.hoping one day , I may be with u not in dreams but in reality , showing lil maturity towards making decision in our dear one's more close and never let u go... life is just an reality while travelling and covering in unkown road paths in thrilled chilled nights in zero visibility. ..urs decision is pending as I also assume u r just like me but just we needs hint.. may someday we can share our thoughts directly to each other .. god knows why I write too much but yes the way of expressing I know is only this. While looking outside the closed window the mirror image was mine patner just like reality of true actual companion nothing to see outside and chilled cold waves icing the thoughts. Loneliness can't be bothered but stuck in mind can damage the neural networks of decision making process. Happiness can't be always there it may be just a treasure hunt of life enjoying in what u do... deserving something can be reality but having it is reality mixed with hard labour and ........... but again it is also a reality. . Just we have to learn to accept. .... rest later

The insomiac dream

Wo khwabo mein hi aati hai aur khwabo se hi chali jati hai .. log thak ke sote hai ki dard km ho jay pr shayad hamari to aissi bhi kismat nahi ..sone se drr lagta hai ki kahin tum phir samne hogi khayalo mein hi sahi pr bate sirf humse hi karti hogi phir wo khawab tut jayga akela tanha humko chod jayga wo bojhil subah hi ho sakti hai aur jindagi ki har subah abb aissi hi betegi y tqdeer bnn gai hai... bahut si bate karti ho muskurahat ka chand ho pr kya kare jb sath thi tb kadr na ki jb dour hui to wo daour suru huwa ki aaj tk safar chal hi raha hai jindagi mein kami kuch bhi nahi pr tum sath nahi bss sahi ek baat hai jo ek dard bana hai socha na tha ki tumse door hone k baad teri itni yaad aaya karegi kyu huwa kaisse huwa kya mallum na jane kb jindagi ke raste itne badal gay kuch apne apno se chut gay.....yaad bhi na aay y kaissi wajah hai.. dosti k anmol tofha tumhara khin kho na jay... izhare mohabbat ki dasttan dil mein dabi reh gai..yaad karne ki takleef hume hoti hai tumko shayad iska ehsas bhi nahi koi nahi....aap to bss aaap hi ho mere kissi haseen khwab ki tarah jo hai to mera pr haqeekat kissi ki nahi... meri jindagi ki ajeeb dastaan hai yaad aao na aissa kun sa wqt hai aur jb yaad aati ho dard dard hi reh jata hai.... tumko bhoolne ko kya kich nahi kiya yahan kuch logo ko accha kaha pr the to sil mein tum hi shayad ki unlogo ko hum passand na aay accha hi hai hum hai bhi kya ... khud ko badalna nahi ata aur wqt aabhi tk hamara aya nahi... kossis ki badastoor jaari khahaniya hai.... kyu mein jb bhi likhta hun tum hi ussme hoti ho kyu.kyu?

Chapter 2 insomiac dream

Some day might I will be talking to you in personal and sharing what I always feel about you in my dreams.that day really matters me a lot not because I would be sharing something with you but any thing that matters is ur reactions ur smile or anything u feel .... I know this is impossible but atleast I can dream this too ...no body ever reached the moon but yet is the dream of many... someday you may just say to me u really want me in ur life as anything else but we all love ourselves ... may in this year I would be "I "when my dreams came true in life next I may be satisfied with the thought u think about me atleast once in a while....just b there with me ..u r my expression of life... without u neither my writing or I am complete but u can make me a step ahead with ur valuable support and company plz be the part of my life voyage and allow me to share our experience and excitement together of each others life... u were always adorable lovable to me ... remain in my life please ...the significant portion of my life voyage will be the part I had spend with u ..just let me give some hope of getting what we least deserve my lord.... just ........justiy************************ There are times when we often share our past to those on them we had faith like ourselves and there are situation in life when we need guidance and moral support .... this is when we had to choose our friends and person wisely. I had made mistakes in choosing the good mates yet I don't have any regret on my decision atleast they were my decision to b part of life to share grey shades of personality and emotions I was betrayed many times but just I had no other options I compromised my life secrets to those who made fun of them.... just because I feel alone this can't  be justify what I had done in past yet sharing give me few moments in life to b light....

Ek raat

Dekho aaj ka chand bhi hamara sathi hai shayad akele humko dekh na paya ..... badlo ka patda hata kar meta sath dene agaya .... akela hi aya hai taro ki jagah dhund hai thand ki apni hi kahani hai.. aur hamari apni hi pata nahi kyu pr shayad y raat hi hai jiske sath mera bahut sa wqt beeta hai ..dard to bahut hai pr wo nahi jinke sath share kar saku hamare dosto k sath bahut se baato ko bataya hai pr wo hai ki un pr mazak ka bhoot rehta hai.. phle bhi issi kasmaks mein rehta tha pr abb naya saal to bss akelepnn ki saugat le kar aya hai likhne ka mnn to kuch hai nahi. Pr kya kare y jehan mein itna shoor hai ki shayad apni hi awaj kahi kho na du isliy waps likhne lagta hun... ajeeb baat hai mein khud ko accha responsible perfect banane ki kosis kar raha tha pr fayda kya aap kissi ki nazar mein nahi aate ... isliy nahi accha bannna ki koi tareef kare koi recognition mile pr dukh to iss baat ka hota hai ki wo jinko shayad hi kissi ki ijjat karna ata hai unko wo miljata hai assani se ek nahi kai ...aur to dekho tamasha unki barbadi ka saboot humko hi dikhaya jata hai...wat a waste of time..jindagi mein koi muskil to nahi hai jo chaha paya pr haan ek aissa dost na milla jink sath wo sab share kar sakta jo ki share kiy unse koi umeed na thi pr majak y bhi umeed nahi thi.pr wahi hai dushmani se door k dost acche ... kuch mahine aor phir y iet ka dour bhi beet jayga accha tha ya bura keh nahi sakta pr bss y wo wqt hai jinhe doobara yaad nahi karna chahunga..